Daughter of an ex-drug addict

A TRUE STORY

Photo by Michael Longmire on Unsplash

A good few years had passed and he sobered up and met my mother -who if I may add is an extremely strong woman. They eventually got married and had my sister and me, myself being the youngest.

Two weeks after I was born my father had a relapse. My mom tried to stay optimistic and faithful that everything would work out once again, however, with an 11-month-old and a newborn her patience wore thin and she decided that a divorce was the best option for both herself and her children.

Many years had passed and I no clue who my father was, what his name was, where he lived or what he looked like. He was a stranger to me.

At the age of five, I became aware that I was different. To me, it was normal to not have a father. It then came to my attention that this was not normal because all my friends had fathers. I then took it upon myself to call my grandpa daddy. It did not last long though.

The next year, at the tender age of six, my father re-entered my life and about a year later they REMARRIED…

Photo by Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash

That day was the hardest day of my life, however, I did get to know my father better but I knew that this was going to change my life forever!

With a new member of the family in the house, I was exposed to more things that this world had to offer. In other words, I saw the world from another’s perspective.

Remember that saying, the calm before the storm? Well that is what its like when you meet new people. They tend to hide their flaws.

People who abused drugs experience mental changes even when they have sobered up. It is known as struggling from an addictive mindset. Some experience symptoms of bipolar disorder as well as OCD.

These conditions became very apparent over time.

There is oftentimes when he gets extremely angry or frustrated. Small, trivial things will set him off and often I feel as if though I can’t handle it anymore.

My father is a good person and I have learned it over the few years that I have gotten to him, however, it is not always smooth sailing.

He always said things that would hurt my feelings. I was called a phony and stupid but the one that hurt the most was when he said I was not beautiful. When he is angry all rationality runs straight to the door.

The reason why it hurts me so deeply when he says these things is because he never knew me as a child. How is it so easy for him to say all these hurtful things when he was the one who left?

Part of his addictive thinking is that he thinks everyone is against him. He thinks that he is the only one experiencing hardships and that we don't understand what he is going through. It may be true that we don't understand what is going through but it doesn't mean that he is alone.

Most of the time I feel as if I'm the one trying to win him back and not the other way around.

The hardest part of of his return was him expecting everything to be as he wanted. Adjusting to the way my mother brought us up was taboo to him and to him it was his way or no way at all. The thing that sets my parents apart is the fact that they are polar opposites and view life differently. Their expectations and morals are completely different which often leads to aggressiveness.

The best advice I ever gave myself was to remain calm, be patient and not take everything he says seriously because he says things that he doesn’t mean when he is angry.

I always try to put myself into his shoes and try to understand what he is going through but it's easier said than done. Maybe he feels guilty for all the year that he left us and for all the memories that he missed out on.

It hasn’t been easy, especially with the occasional nightmare of having a relapse. On those days it is easier to give him his space.

To say the least- it is not easy to be the daughter of an ex-drug addict.

To any person that is a current drug addict or is rehabilitated, you are strong and powerful, and have you have the strength to change your destiny. Your decision has an impact on all those around you BUT there is hope. Never forget that. Your life is so precious.

As for me, my story is bitter-sweet. Sweet as in getting my father back, learning to love him, and fighting for each other. Bitter is for the rough times but remember it’s the sweet moment that makes our lives better and the bitter moments build our character and define us at the end.

The one thing that I learned throughout this experience is that family is important and that forgiveness is key. Without forgiveness, there will not be growth and development. Dwelling on the past is not good for your mental health but forgiveness will set you free.

One thing I will say is that I will never regret getting to know my father. This experience has through me a lot about myself and how to handle tough situations even when I felt like there was no other way out.

I have toned down my story quite a bit, however, I know that there are many people out there that have experienced situations far more grim than mine.

As many of you can see, I am still going through a lot and I am trying to find myself and heal from my experiences. It is a very timely process but I'm sure in the end we'll all come together and smile and know that it was all worth it.

The sad endings makes the good ending even better!

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store